Do you remember Kill Bill? The song said:
Bang bang… he shot me down. Bang bang, I hit the ground. Bang Bang that awful sound… my baby shot me down.

Recently one of my loved ones lashed out at me and it came out of nowhere. At first I was furious, how dare he, after all I do, all I say and how I feel, and then….
And then… I thought I should cut the feeling of rage… I should stop… and wonder why. Wonder how we got there and wonder about the reason he said everything he said. Try to understand, not judge.. try to listen and have patience… try to help.
Thus I wrote a letter explaining how I feel and what I do everyday, how I’ve done and spoke since we met up to the present day… and offered my help.
In case the readers will and have already met this kind of situation… first of all I am truly sorry to know that.. it’s horrible. And I would like to know more and be in charge… I don;t like situations catching me by surprise and fate doing whatever it wants of me. And so… I searched, I asked, I approached other people, I started to learn… so I can share with you and it may help you.. help your loved ones.

First of all: Depression sucks. Yes, no one wants it and no one sees it coming. It just hits you… whether you are the loved one or the main character. So… expect the unexpected…

I have read it is officially a medical condition… an illness. I have read it is not wise to underestimate the seriousness of depression. According to doctors: Depression drains a person’s energy, optimism, and motivation. Your depressed loved one can’t just “snap out of it” by sheer force of will.
The symptoms of depression aren’t personal. Depression makes it difficult for a person to connect on a deep emotional level with anyone, even the people he or she loves most. In addition, depressed people often say hurtful things and lash out in anger. Remember that this is the depression talking, not your loved one, so try not to take it personally.
Hiding the problem won’t make it go away. Don’t be an enabler. It doesn’t help anyone involved if you are making excuses, covering up the problem, or lying for a friend or family member who is depressed. In fact, this may keep the depressed person from seeking treatment.
Here’s the one that caught my eye: You can’t “fix” someone else’s depression. Don’t try to rescue your loved one from depression. It’s not up to you to fix the problem, nor can you. You’re not to blame for your loved one’s depression or responsible for his or her happiness (or lack thereof). Ultimately, recovery is in the hands of the depressed person.

We all know that none of us can stand there just watching how the person we care about self-destroys.. We all know we want to help and we try constantly, through any means, using our brains and our force to find a way… “what if I…” ,”maybe I could..”, “well i can at least try…”. Yes, it is up to them to recover… but they count on you for help and you just don’t know how. You can’t… and you keep telling yourself there must be a way, there is not “i can’t”.. not for him/her.
So… just so you don’t mess up and make things worse:
I have this thing I call: push and pull… the person will say they want to be left alone and deep inside they’ll wish AND expect you to do something, anything. They’ll cry out louder than ever through silence and through mean words to push you away.
That’s a cry for help. When you try to approach, they will be mad and pull away… when you let them be.. they ll say you are not a good friend/lover/relative and you’re..”just like all the others”.. you “don’t get them”, you “can’t help”…
What you should do… is insist in the gentlest of forms..  Be there, have your phone on, have your internet on, be accessible.. but don’t go towards them.. not straight forward. Show them you care by leaving a blanket for them, leaving hot tea, bringing something they like and appreciate.. and then stay a moment, keep silent and go. Do this every day.. Leave a letter in the mailbox or on the doormat “hey, I miss you, have a good day and please take care”… Try to be there but don’t make it too visible or suffocating for them. I am no doctor or expert… I can’t say this is a professional one hundred percent thing and it will always work. I am just sharing from what I have been through.

According to what I have read, the symptoms will start as follows:

  • He/she doesn’t seem to care about anything anymore.
  • Is uncharacteristically sad, irritable, short-tempered, critical, or moody.
  • Has lost interest in work, sex, hobbies, and other pleasurable activities.
  • Talks about feeling “helpless” or “hopeless.”
  • Expresses a bleak or negative outlook on life.
  • Frequently complains of aches and pains such as headaches, stomach problems, and back pain.
  • Complains of feeling tired and drained all the time.
  • Has withdrawn from friends, family, and other social activities.
  • Sleeps less than usual or oversleeps.
  • Eats more or less than usual, and has recently gained or lost weight.
  • Has become indecisive, forgetful, disorganized, and “out of it.”
  • Drinks more or abuses drugs, including prescription sleeping pills and painkillers.

See… some people may not show all or even some of these… you may not even notice when it starts…
I have a friend who is too often sad… that’s just how he is… It takes me a good while to know when he is really depressed…

Sometimes it is hard to know what to say when speaking to a loved one about depression. You might fear that if you bring up your worries he or she will get angry, feel insulted, or ignore your concerns. You may be unsure what questions to ask or how to be supportive.

If you don’t know where to start, the following suggestions may help. But remember that being a compassionate listener is much more important than giving advice. You don’t have to try to “fix” the person; you just have to be a good listener. Often, the simple act of talking to someone face to face can be an enormous help to someone suffering from depression. Encourage the depressed person to talk about his or her feelings, and be willing to listen without judgment.

Don’t expect a single conversation to be the end of it. Depressed people tend to withdraw from others and isolate themselves. You may need to express your concern and willingness to listen over and over again. Be gentle, yet persistent.

Then they give you some tips how to start a conversation… I find them useless and factors that make things worse.
You just can’t start” I have been concerned about you lately”… Personally… I just say “hey… are you ok? I need to know if you’re fine and if I can help or anything”.
Then it continues to give statements that may help, like “you’re not alone”, “things will change”… Again, these don’t really work for me. I need to speak from my heart. If I were depressed, a “things will be better” and “you’re not alone” would infuriate me.. Be careful, with people who are sad and lonely, it’s like walking on glass-shards.
I would opt for ” hey… I am really sorry to hear this, I feel bad about you feeling this way.. I’ll stand by you, I’ll do anything. You’ll see…” and then I always try to find a witty idea to make my loved one smile or laugh and distract him/her from their concerns and problems… while I stall a little to figure out how I could really help, what would really be good for them, how to turn the situation in their favor and causing no damage or victims around.

I will have to agree with these, please read carefully:

  • Speak up for yourself. You may be hesitant to speak out when the depressed person in your life upsets you or lets you down. However, honest communication will actually help the relationship in the long run. If you’re suffering in silence and letting resentment build, your loved one will pick up on these negative emotions and feel even worse. Gently talk about how you’re feeling before pent-up emotions make it too hard to communicate with sensitivity.
  • Set boundaries. Of course you want to help, but you can only do so much. Your own health will suffer if you let your life be controlled by your loved one’s depression. You can’t be a caretaker round the clock without paying a psychological price. To avoid burnout and resentment, set clear limits on what you are willing and able to do. You are not your loved one’s therapist, so don’t take on that responsibility.
  • Stay on track with your own life. While some changes in your daily routine may be unavoidable while caring for your friend or relative, do your best to keep appointments and plans with friends. If your depressed loved one is unable to go on an outing or trip you had planned, ask a friend to join you instead.
  • Seek support. You are NOT betraying your depressed relative or friend by turning to others for support. Joining a support group, talking to a counselor or clergyman, or confiding in a trusted friend will help you get through this tough time. You don’t need to go into detail about your loved one’s depression or betray confidences; instead focus on your emotions and what you are feeling. Make sure you can be totally honest with the person you turn to—no judging your emotions!

Don’t push them and don;t suggest a doctor, don’t insist. The loved one will not only refuse and get angry… in the end they might see you as some sort of traitor and alienate you even more. Be empathetic and don’t be nasty. If you think you can bully someone out of depression and somehow make them stronger by getting them mad and making them want to prove they are good and strong… no, that s not ok and it doesn’t work. “Is that all you got” is not a good thing to say… “I thought you were more and better than this, you disappoint me” is also very very bad. These will go on a list of “how to make things worse”.. yep.
And on an end note… don’t try to be the goodie goodie, someone you’re not, don’t be.. fake… Be yourself and speak from your heart.. Also don’t pour in solutions “what if you do this? how about this? did you try that?”… they’ll get pretty fed up and angry… The more you talk, the more they’ll want you silent. It’s hard… it’s complicated… it’s delicate. You can still do it.

I am always awake at night.. but sometimes I decide to go to bed earlier. I’ve stayed up until 1,30 am ever since you called me that night at 1 am and I was asleep. That day I was very tired and I had returned from a trip. I knew you might call, but I figured I’d just answer when you did… and sleep until then. I had forgotten you’re so self-aware and afraid to bother me and those you care about.
Ever since that night, instead of going to bed at any given hour, I wait for it to be one hour past midnight, at least, so I know you won’t feel bad once you call me… whenever it is you call me.
And I wait for that call every night, truth be told. If you ask me why, I don’t know. If you ask what I’d talk with you at that hour, I really don’t know. But I’d just like you to call. I’ll always be here.

Sunt multe lucruri pe care le inteleg si multe pe care caut sa le inteleg. Sunt si cateva de care sunt sigura si destule pe care nu le stiu si nu le pot intelege defel.
Pot sa inteleg ca oamenii sunt fiinte sociabile. Oamenii isi fac prieteni, chiar si cand nu ii cauta, nu intentioneaza, chiar si atunci cand nu se asteapta. Si e frumos… e magic. Prieteniile sunt minunate, iti oferta tot ce vrei.. dar mai mult, iti ofera tot ce ai nevoie. Dupa o vreme oamenii si prietenii lor se obisnuiesc impreuna, fac totul impreuna, vorbesc, glumesc, trag unul spre altul, le place sa petreaca timp unul cu altul, si devine ceva de zi cu zi.. sau macar la doua zile odata. Incep sa isi permita cateva lucruri, sa vina acasa unul la altul, sa vada hainele sau lenjeria unul altuia, aruncate prin camera sau puse undeva intr-un dulap unde au voie acele persoane, depinde de la prietenie la prietenie, dar in general cam asa evoleaza.
Dupa un timp, unul din cei doi prieteni incepe sa vorbeasca cu altcineva, fie o persona de sex opus, fie cineva de acelasi sex. Apoi e simplu: relatia noua este fie iubit si iubita, fie doi prieteni noi destul de buni, lasand persoana anterioara putin pe dinafara. Nu mai iesiti asa des, nu vorbiti mereu, nu mai faceti chiar tot ce faceati, ba chiar te intrebi daca iti mai permiti acele glume si acele mici lucruri pe care ti le permiteai candva. Desigur, persoana aceea acum are pe cineva.. daca e iubit/iubita, fac totul impreuna pentru ca asta se face intr-o relatie, si locul de prieten bun este luat si incorporat in cel de partener … iar daca e un sau o prieten/a nou/a, atributiile tale sunt oferite acelei persoane noi… poate pentru ca au ceva in plus sau se pliaza mai bine pe personalitatea acelui om…. ori poate ca prietenia voastra devenise ordinara… mai veche sau obsnuita, ceva garantat, ceva ce ramane mereu acolo, la fel, poate putin depasit…
Depinde, din nou, de la prietenie la prietenie.
In nici un caz, nu sunt, personal, de acord sa aduci la plimbari si intalniri pentru a petrece timp cu un prieten.. pe al tau partener… si vice-versa. Poate ca sunt ei de acord.. “Nu ma deranjeaza”, “Fa cum vrei, mi-e indiferent”… dar timpul petrecut cu o persoana va fi mereu diferit de timpul petrecut cu doua persoane deodata. Ar fi si faptul ca nu i-ai cunoscut pe amandoi in acelasi punct in timp. Unul va avea un avantaj (sau dezavantaj).. Astfel informatiile sunt la nivel diferit… Daca esti la plimbare cu iubitul, pe care il stii de vreo doi ani, sa spunem, si inviti si o prietena noua pe care o cunosti de cateva luni…. parerea mea este ca ar fi destul de ciudat. Nu spun neplacut… dar nivelele sunt diferite. Ceea ce vei discuta cu prietena cea noua cu care probabil te intelegi de minune, nu vei discuta neaparat si cu iubitul, de doi ani, cu care deja ai discutat destul de multe si de care nu mai esti atat de entuziasmata sa il descoperi, sa ii cunosti trecutul, povestile si reactiile la cate ceva ce spui sau faci… si vice-versa: Daca iesi la plimbare cu o prietena si inviti iubitul, cu care esti impreuna de cateva luni sau o luna doar… va fi putin ciudat.
Timpul tau il poti imparti si dedica fiecarei persoane in parte. Inteleg si cand omul va spune ca nu are destul timp si mai are ba facultate, ba munca, ba parinti si rude… Dar in loc sa te plimbi cu mai multi prieteni sau cu iubitul/iubita si inca cineva, in acelasi timp, vreo doua ore…. mai bine te-ai plimba separat cu fiecare vreo ora.. Incearca si vezi cat este de diferit. Iar daca partenera/ul te iubeste sau tine la tine cat de cat, va intelege si nu se va plange ca nu are suficient timp cu tine. Va cauta sa aprecieze cat are si poate sa mai capete printre picaturi… te va intampina la facultate dupa cursuri sau prin ferestre… va sta cu tine la un film seara sau prin weekend, si tot asa. Daca cele doua (sau mai multe) persoane se cunosc intre ele si le-ai intalnit cam la acelasi moment in viata… e in regula sa ii ai alaturi la o plimbare, sau la un film pe amandoi/toti. Informatiile vor fi in mare parte aceleasi, isi vor permite cam aceleasi lucruri, glume chiar..
Ar fi destul de neplacut insa ca cei doi sa se cunoasca dinaintea ta si sa te simti tu pe dinafara. Prietena sau prietenul cel mai bun cu iubitul/iubita, de exemplu. Ar fi cam la acelasi nivel cei doi, iar tu te vei simti putin in plus… si iarasi… cel mai bine este sa iesi cu ei separat, sa oferit timp si atentie dar sa si primesti aceste lucruri intr-un fel… lejer… placut si … unic.
Putin mai intim, mai.. special… si iti vei crea si amintiri cu fiecare, ceea ce va fi putin diferit decat amintiri colective.

Love types

I was scrolling down Tumblr (my other blog, where I mainly keep pictures and music) and I found some information about five types of love. I decided to search more about one in particular, and I found a book called The Four Loves, written by C. S. Lewis. He said there are four different types of love people may have for one another, and I would like to share them with my readers. I’ll start with the one I find fits me best:

Storge- Affection

It is described as fondness through familiarity (a brotherly love), especially between family members or people who have otherwise found themselves together by chance. It is the most natural, emotive, and widely diffused of loves: natural in that it is present without coercion; emotive because it is the result of fondness due to familiarity; and most widely diffused because it pays the least attention to those characteristics deemed “valuable” or worthy of love and, as a result, is able to transcend most discriminating factors.
(Yes, I empathized all the important aspects, for me at least, just like when I study and I underline things)

Affection, for Lewis, included both Need-love and Gift-love; he considered it responsible for 9/10th of all solid and lasting human happiness.
(Yes, ladies and gentlemen, it is true and nothing less, I assure you, and you surely know it)
Ironically, however, affection’s strength is also what makes it vulnerable. Affection has the appearance of being “built-in” or “ready made”, says Lewis, and as a result people come to expect it irrespective of their behavior and its natural consequences. Both in its Need and its Gift form, affection then is liable to ‘go bad’, and to be corrupted by such forces as jealousy, ambivalence and smothering. (Unfortunately this is also rather true… though it CAN be controlled, thank God. If you are self-conscious and have quite some experience, you’ll keep a balance and avoid these most of the time.)

Philia- Friendship

(For me, Philia and Storge are one and the same, because I dislike my family, we never get along, and I really care for my friends who are also always looking out for me)
It is the love between friends. Friendship is the strong bond existing between people who share common interest or activity.
(See what I mean?)
Lewis immediately differentiates Friendship Love from the other Loves. He describes friendship as, “the least biological, organic, instinctive, gregarious and necessary…the least natural of loves” - our species does not need friendship in order to reproduce – but to the classical and medieval worlds the more profound precisely because it is freely chosen.
(Just because it does not come of blood ties and instincts, it doesn’t mean it’s less real or powerful. On the contrary.)
Lewis explains that true friendships, like the friendship between David and Jonathan in the Bible, are almost a lost art. He expresses a strong distaste for the way modern society ignores friendship.  Lewis goes on to say, “to the Ancients, Friendship seemed the happiest and most fully human of all loves; the crown of life and the school of virtue. The modern world, in comparison, ignores it”. Growing out of companionship, friendship for Lewis was a deeply Appreciative love, though one which he felt few people in modern society could value at its worth, because so few actually experienced true friendship. 
(Yes, I do agree with that. Ah, but I am so lucky… I am one of those few, actually I am even more: I experienced it much more than just once, and I still am. Because once I give what I am, people will follow and give back to me.)

Then there’s Eros- Romance

(I’d like to say that Eros, as far as I know and learned, means Passion, not Romance, and I do see a difference between the two. Romance is both emotional and physical, while Passion involves physical mostly… but I can’t. Apparently Lewis calls that: Venus.. the Passion, I mean.
Got to love the Foreign language students, eh? – Probably why I am still single.
For Lewis, it was love in the sense of ‘being in love or ‘loving’ someone, as opposed to the raw sexuality of what he called Venus: the illustration Lewis uses was the distinction between ‘wanting a woman‘ and wanting one particular woman – something that matched his (classical) view of man as a rational animal, a composite both of reasoning angel and instinctual alley-cat.
(Yes, I laughed at those last few words. Who wouldn’t? Honestly.)
Eros turns the need-pleasure of Venus into the most appreciative of all pleasure; After exploring sexual activity and its spiritual significance in both a pagan and a Christian sense, he notes how Eros (or being in love) is in itself an indifferent, neutral force: how “Eros in all his splendor…may urge to evil as well as good”. While accepting that Eros can be an extremely profound experience, he does not overlook the dark way in which it could lead even to the point of suicide pacts or murder, as well as to furious refusals to part, “mercilessly chaining together two mutual tormentors, each raw all over with the poison of hate-in-love”.
(Slightly over-dramatic, isn’t he? Well, it seems so to me. It’s just a feeling after all, don’t get too into details.)

And at last, Agape- Unconditional love

It is the love that brings forth caring regardless of the circumstance. Lewis recognizes this as the greatest of loves, and sees it as a specifically Christian virtue. The chapter on the subject focuses on the need of subordinating the natural loves – as Lewis puts it, “The natural loves are not self-sufficient”-  to the love of God, who is full of charitable love, to prevent what he termed their ‘demonic’ self-aggrandissement. Lewis didn’t actually use the word agape although later commentators did.
(Really now, this is actually incorporated and quite necessary, or the pure basis of Storge and Philia.)

In conclusion, I see they’re not so different from one another. Truth be told, you need all four and preferably all with the same man or woman, in order to be satisfied and happy for a long period of time, years and years. You could do without one or two, but in the end, even without realizing it, you’ll find yourself searching for it in all places and people. And maybe increasing the dose of one Love will numb the need of another you lack…
Just take care of who you are and what you need, take care of yourself and take care of others, so that you and those around you will be and stay happy as long as possible… And I’m not saying it will be Heaven, no. Just saying, even though there will be times when you fail or lose some love.. there will be many times when you’ll get some back and create some new love.

What a beautiful day. A prosperous day from beginning to end.
I woke up and prepared some food to hold me through the day. I went there and started by getting my feedback and modifying the first and second quarters of a year. We had tow hours but I managed to finish and work a little extra in the lunch break. Once engaged, there is no stopping me until I reach my goal. I usually postpone things like eating or using the bathroom, though it’s not really healthy.. but once an idea is started… one has to entertain it fully, and one must act and think upon it until there one loses their will or is distracted.
So, I was working for the first half, then I started on the second half, first quarter three, with all the necessary and all the questions for the people around me, the ones I was working with… and I finished with the last quarter an hour and a half before I was supposed to, not to mention I also filled in another person’s work on two of the quarters.
I gave my chart for feedback and it seemed it was mostly wrong… I knew that, but the work was good.. in details and tasks.
The numbers were wrong.. I got somewhat mad but I had the best laugh with the team. Not to seem rude but I did have a good laugh while two of the people were new to this and were in over their heads. One started tearing paper apart and smiling, saying he’s fine, he’s fine… while another just got up twice and sat down again saying she was going insane, and it was too much. Yes yes… I laughed so hard, saying that.. back in my time.. my first time planning these halves and quarters was quite similar to what they were experiencing… plus I had a department I knew NOTHING about, and it all took place in a hotel up in the mountains during a very tiring conference were I would dose off every now and then with a pen between my fingers and a sheet of paper under my hand.
When we were finally done, we left and I had a few minutes to say hello to some old and dear friends, but it ended shortly.
I went outside and sat down to talk. I admired the sky, the trees and tried to listen more than I talked… we ate chips, we drank beer and I made a lot of silly jokes.. no one would actually get or find funny, but that’s why I could make them there and then… this person is different.
I went back home and talked a little on the phone. Yes, I could not actually recover any of the previous conversations… restart them and gain momentum once more, but I did enjoy a few new conversations.
It’s Sunday.. We spent two days planning and I feel quite proud. At first I was very upset and afraid… I felt I didn’t do enough, I am not prepared for the thing I am aiming for.. Afraid that I might not make it… Afraid I am not good enough.. And upset I did less than I wanted from myself.. Truth is, I went there Saturday morning with fair expectations of myself..
But in the end… after I draw a line and call it a day.. or a weekend in my case, it’s been good, it’s been great and I enjoyed it. I feel I didn’t lose anything, there was nothing else I would have rather been doing than this.. and I can put my head down gently on my pillow and close my eyes knowing I did my best… I used my knowledge, my resources and my time well.
And ironically… I wish I could have done more.. I wish I had went there well prepared, talked to people more in the time I had free and I wish many other people would have gotten involved in this activity just to see… how hard it is to be a pillar of support for an organization, a student, a team coordinator and a member in a leading team…. and have everything fall into place almost perfectly, no matter the problems that surely come up, sooner or later… Because it’s easy to see people around and see them writing something on a laptop keyboard, see them come and go.. but not know exactly how much and what they do, individually, each day, for us to carry on with our lives casually, each day, everyday… And it’s important.

Priveam in jur si ma intrebam de ce oamenii actioneaza astfel. De ce aduc multe lucruri in casa, lucruri care ori nu sunt folositoare, ori sunt prea multe pentru a ajunge sa fie folosite fiecare.. De ce exista o nevoie de a umple fiecare spatiu cu ceva, un obiect, un lucrusor.. De ce simt oamenii nevoia sa faca un anumit numar de lucruri intr-un anumit timp, de ce trebuie sa termine toata mancarea din farfurie desi sunt satui si nu mai pot..

Ideea este urmatoarea: Este in regula sa lasi spatii goale, fara motiv, in biblioteca, pe masa, in camera, la munca la birou, oriunde. Este in regula sa nu umpli fiecare spatiu cu ceva, un creion, trei pixuri, un capsator, douazeci de foi, o veioza, trei carti, un pachet de servetele, doua markere si in final si mouse-ul de la computer, daca mai e loc… Si te mandresti ca esti organizat si le poti inghesui pe toate pe birou si sa ramana si loc… pe care mai apoi il umpli cu alte fleacuri si un bowl cu cereale sau cu biscuiti. Lasa spatiu sa respiri, sa lucrezi pe acel birou, sa iti asezi coatele, foile, sa nu scrii pe brate convingandu-te ca oricum asa e mai confortabil. Lasa-ti loc si sa misti mouse-ul, sa poti pune o lumanare parfumata daca asta doresti intr-o zi, sa arate si placut si spatios… incat sa nu te simti sufocat cand intri in acea parte a camerei.
Este in regula sa alegi sa lasi lucruri acolo unde le gasesti, nu trebuie sa aduci tot ce observi si pare util, in casa ta. Astfel vei descoperi intr-o zi ca daca sunt alimente, ele se vor strica… si acela si acela, si nu vor fi prea multe, incat nu vei avea nici unde sa le depozitezi, si sa le mentii la tempertauri necesare, si nici nu vor apuca sa fie consumate chiar de ai avea o armata in casa… sa nu mai spun ca poate toti membrii din acel grup prefera alt tip de alimente si nu doresc sa consume ce ai adus tu… Poate ti-e mila sa le asi acolo, intregi, neatinse, abandonate de altii… dar e posibil ca nici tie sa nu iti fie de folos. Daca ar fi alte lucruri, scaune, mese, canapele si mobila in general… la ce ti-ar folosi o camera plina de scaune si mese, una peste alta, daca nu ai avea de fapt nici spatiu sa te asezi pe unul din scaune sa lucrezi la oricare masa? Si foarte posibil ca in cateva zile scaunele sa cedeze rand pe rand, iar mesele la fel. Cate putin din fiecare este in regula, nu trebuie sa exagerezi cu nimic, oricat ar fi de bun sau util… O camera cu o masa si doua scaune, un pat si un dulap este de ajuns. Lasa-ti loc sa poti gandi, sa se aeriseasca, sa te simti liber si sa iti placa sa intri in acea camera, deoarece spatiile inchise nu duc la nimic bun.. vor limita si creativitatea si pot provoca si cine stie ce boli.
Deasemeni este in regula sa nu mananci tot din farfurie. Da, cand eram mici, mama ne tot spunea sa terminam tot din farfurie si sa bem tot ce avem in cana sau pahar, pe motiv ca ne lasam norocul in urma, acolo unde mancam sau bem.
Daca tii la superstitii, poti face ce fac eu, varsa din cana cat de mult poti dupa ce te-ai saturat deja, si lasa foarte putin pe final, apoi bea ce a ramas (si nu ma refer sa bei si resturile, zat de cafea, pulpa ramasa de la suc natural sau mai stiu eu ce) iar la mancare… o poti lasa in farfurie. Poate iti este mila ca lasi mancare cand stii cat ai platit pentru ea, sau cand stii ca ai obtinut mai greu ce ai acolo, sau poate doar nu iti place sa vezi o mancare aratoasa si bine gatita ramasa pe farfuria alba de portelan. E in regula… las-o acolo. Te-ai saturat, ai mancat, nu e ca si cum ai comandat-o sau gatit-o si ai aruncat-o la gunoi neatinsa. Ai facut ce ai putut, nu e bine sa te fortezi sa termini doar de dragul de a termina. Daca chiar e asa important, ia bucatile de carne intr-un servetel si da-le cainilor, sau cere o caserola si ia la pachet daca e suficient de mult ramas.
Si nu trebuie neaparat sa faci o mie de lucruri, pentru ca poti, ca te descurci, ai timp, vei tu cum faci, si toate scuzele pe care ti le spui in minte ca sa reusesti sa impaci pe toata lumea si sa nu faci trei drumuri azi si trei maine, ci toate astazi ca maine sa stai fara griji. E in regula sa iei totul incet si sa iti acorzi timp pentru lucruri umane, ca spalatul pe dinti, dus, somn, jumatate de ora sa te ingrijesti, sa te speli pe fata, sa te dai cu ruj sau sa cauti ceva de imbracat, si timp sa le asortezi respectiv, inca jumatate de ora sa ajungi in statie si sa te urci intr-un autobuz sau maxi… mai acorda-ti o ora in care sa iti faci treaba ori temele fara sa te uiti la ceas la fiecare minut, si nu le inghesui pe toate intr-o zi… E tentant sa stai acasa o zi intreaga, dar te asigur ca desi cam jumatate din acea zi o vei adora, cealaltadeja te vei plictisi… la TV nu-i nimic, la computer am vazut deja doua filme, in casa nu prea am ce face, de iesit deja m-am plimbat cu X, si au trecut cam sase ore deja. De altfel intr-o zi iti inghesui sase drumuri, la facultate, la munca, la bunica, la piata, la platit facturi, la sala sau la vreun antrenament… si treci si pe acasa de vreo doua ori sa te schimbi de haine sau sa iei ceva si sa lasi ceva.. mapa, documente, ceva sa ii dai lui Y, niste bani sau daca apuci.. poate chiar mancare.
Si te gandesti “am timp, gasesc eu ceva” ca sa ajungi dintr-un capat al orasului in celalalt in jumatate de ora, si apoi iarasi de unde ai plecat fara a calcula efectiv aceste drumuri, dar gandindu-te cat dureaza activitatea desfarsurata la momentul cand ajungi. Un seminar dureaza cam doua ore, la bunici stau vreo doua ore si cu X ma vad sa-i dau ce am de dat cam jumatate de ora.. Fara a pune la socoteala si faptul ca.. X are chef de vorba, nu v-ati vazut o vreme.. bunicii vor sa te intrebe ce ai mai facut si sa mergi cu ei la biserica, iar profesoara de la seminar are talentul de a va tine mai mult… iar voi nu va incumentati sa o informati ca ora s-a terminat de mult.
E in regula sa lasi si pe maine cate ceva, e in regula sa amani, sa delegi, sa spui Nu. E in regula sa te gandesti putin in perspectiva, sa lasi unele lucruri deoparte, sa iti oferi un timp de relaxare la finalul fiecarei zile. Pune in programul tau cel putin o ora goala… sa fie acolo. Fa mai putine lucruri si nu le face pe fuga, iar acel “nu pot” sau “nu am de ales”… de fapt tot asupra ta se va rasfrange… Nu esti elastic, esti om, si trebuie sa iti oferi timp, spatiu si intelegere tie insuti. Iar daca tu nu schimbi nimic, nimic nu se va schimba… si desi nu o simti, zi de zi lucrurile sunt mai haotice, prgramul mai incarcat si lucrurile nu evolueaza intotdeauna… si deseori iti vei da seama cand efectul va fi prea puternic pentru a fi ignorat.